Friday, 1 March 2013

Maternal thoughts

40 weeks with Master A. Yes, I was massive!

On the way to work this morning I was thinking about the prospect of giving Master A any future siblings.

It's something I often think about, like; age gaps, being pregnant again, birthing, money, maternity leave etc and quite often I end the thought with: Not yet. And sometimes- maybe not ever.

From that statement its obvious I'm so not ready to go through the baby thing again. Somthing I find weird because there was a time when it was almost a given that I would become a mother- a stay at home mother and have lots of babies. But Im in my 30's and I'm not a stay at home mother and I dont have lots of babies. Just one adorable one that Husby and I love to bits.

When I was in high school I either wanted to become a vet nurse or a kindergarten teacher and so I chose to do work experience in both those fields. This was great because it was then that I came to realise I really preferred working with animals rather than kids and so a couple years later, I became a qualified vet nurse.

Due to my new found career, being single and not being around kids or babies for awhile, I felt I lost my touch and I was always hesitant to play with or interact with any children. I wasnt sure how to act around them and lost my confidence.

Then I got older and met a wonderful man, we fell in love, and had our a child of our very own, as did some of our friends. I felt I got my groove back and I love being a mum however I'm not sure how many children we're destined to be blessed with.

I dont get those 'feelings' like some people say they get when they can see themselves having 2, 3, 4 or a soccer team house full of kids. And some people know straight away when their time is up and stick with having an only child.

I'd have to say that's where I am right now. Just the three of us but I also struggle with how I feel knowing Master A would be an only child. No live in playmate, no-one to laugh with, have sleepovers with, cry with. Like how I did with my brother.

Both Husby and I come from a family of 4. we both have younger brothers and even though my brother and I used to bicker, I do remember being pretty good friends...most of the time!

So Im in two minds and obviously we dont have to decide right now and obviously we're not looking at getting pregnant within the next year. If anything, I had already planned in my head to have a  3+ year age gap.

Rght now Im happy with just being the three of us and watching our precious little man blossom and grow into this amazing toddler. It really is the most incredible experience and Im trying to take it all in.

One day at a time.

How did you know when you were done with children?
Did you have those conflicting thoughts like me?

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