Today- The Day I was Pining

Today was one of those days where I was pining for time with my son. I think because on the weekend we were so busy with organising and building our shed, I didnt get to spend much good, quality time with him. And I miss him so much today.

Sparked by IG, I saw photos of other mums tending to appointments, school runs, shopping dates and hanging with their babies and I was really feeling sorry for myself.

As some of you may know, Ive worked full time since Little Man was 7mths old and normally it doesnt bother me too much. I mean, of course Id love to be at home with him but I do like my work and I know hes having a great time hanging with Daddy, my mum or his mates at child care. And I especially love the moment when we get reunited again at the end of the day.

Today I just wanted to be 'Homemaker Mummy'. Waking up to his smiley face, getting his milk and having those morning snuggles. Feeding him brekky whilst I enjoy my morning coffee. Chinking our drinks when he cheekily says 'Cheers'! Letting him loose outside, whilst co-ordinating hanging out a load/s of washing, going for a walk to the playground, reading books, pottering around whilst he naps, getting dinner ready and doing some baking.

Im not trying to make it sound being a SAHM is the easiest gig around. I know I probably have it easy some days being at work but somedays you just wish more than others, to be at home with your kids. My ultimate work/life balance would be a PT worker then I could kinda have my cake and eat it too :)

Anyway, back to the grind again tomorrow. Maybe time to book some more holidays!!

Work. Urgh.



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When I was on maternity leave, it got to a point about 5-6mths in where I was looking forward to going back to work. I felt like I needed something more in my life, not to say I wasn't loving motherhood because I was but I just felt I needed some different adult interaction, something to keep my brain functioning. In the end I had to go back to work full time when Master A was 7mths due to circumstances at home (like we desperately needed the money!). I didnt want to go back full time but It worked out ok in the end as Husby looks after Master A a few times a week so he's not in full time daycare. I feel better knowing he is with at least one of us for most of the week.

These holidays were the first Ive had since returning over 18mths ago. Ive had the odd day here and there but not for a long stretch like this. Unfortunately, they also came at a time where it wasnt too convenient for the people left behind as my original (awesome) boss was made redundant not too long ago and my new boss was not up on what my job entailed as such. Totally not his fault but it was a quick rush to show him some of the ropes in the hope he and my team can scrape through without me.

So now I face returning to work on Monday to, what i'm sure is, a massive pile of work to catch up on and it is so not appealing to me right now. I will admit to checking over emails during my break but moreso just to keep up and delete what wasnt required from me on my return. Better to be prepared in these situations then totally flip out when i open my inbox to 700+ emails and my inbox at capacity.

This is why Im dreading going back. Hey, I love the people there. My team is great but no-one *gets* my job, Ive lost my backup and I kinda feel a little alone. I never wanted to be a manager, to 'own' my position. I dont like budgets, or making deals. I'm no salesperson. I just want to go in, do my job and leave at the end of the day. On time. I have more important things, people, to come home to.
I do want it all. I do like going to work, but I love being a homemaker. I still hope to be able to pick my kid/s up from school  and drop them off. I dont want to be stuck in the office until 7pm, missing out on all the action.
Anyway, that's getting a bit ahead of myself. I still have another 3 years up my sleeve until I have to worry about school but you get the idea.

My prorities have changed, or maybe they're the same but having this break made me notice them more. Who knows when I'll be able to have another break. Lets hope I can slowly pass on my knowledge to the people who are left, so it wont be such a mission next time.

I really needed this break and its been good. Busy, but good. And if I had to look at the glass half full, it does feel like Ive had a decent enough time away. Although another month or so would be great!

A quick trip to NZ

At the beginning of the week, I took a short trip to Auckland, NZ for business.

To be honest, even though it was a great opportunity for work, I was not looking forward to leaving Master A for 4 days. In the lead up when he was being his usual cute self, I would get upset that I would be leaving him and he was none the wiser. However on the day I had to say goodbye, I was surprisingly ok about it. I didn't even cry when I drove away!

Now this was no smooth sailing flight. Oh no. I just have to give a quick run down on what sort of mess I got myself into.

Our work books all their flights through a corporate travel agent and they failed to get clarification of mine and my collegues PASSPORT name.
Anyway, so we both go to check in on the direct flight out of Adelaide to Auckland. The lady behind the desk starts looking closely at my passport and BAM! I realise exactly what shes noticed. My passport is under my maiden name as I havent used it since 2008!! Oh Em Gee! So obviously they couldnt accept me and I had to try and change my booking name with the flight company. 90mins later and many a phone call and hold music, I managed to change my name..however when Im trying to check in, my collegue, (whose Sri Lanken and travelling on a Sri Lanken passport) gets pulled up that his passport has his full Sri Lanken name and his booked name is his English name. God damn!
So at the end of the day, we miss that flight, another hour later and plenty more phone calls and hold music, we change his name along with our flights. Luckily we got on one that day however this was now going to be via Melbourne.
No flights to Auckland were safe. Firstly when we tried to book in with Virgin domestic, they hadnt finalised the booking when I was on the phone = 20min delay.
Then in Melb heading to Auckland, my friend gets pulled aside, questioned as he had a name change making him suspicious.
Then at Auckland customs, he also gets double checked as he also didnt have a Visa. (this was ok as he is an Australian resident).

At 2am and 17hrs  later, I eventually got to bed.

The rest of the trip was pretty drama free except for being so damn tired.

This was the view from my hotel window...Sky Tower in the background

Auckland street

Its very similar to Australia, in particular reminded me of Parramatta with the hilly streets and also Sydney and Melbourne.

Breakfast views..

One night we went out for dinner at the Sky Tower...

Views from the Observation deck...

 View from our table..

Mmmm Mocktail....

Entree: Buffalo mozzarella with caramelised fig and a sweet spicy sauce

Main: salmon, mashed potato, prawns, bok choy ...delish!

Dessert: Honey panna cotta and in the background, chocolate fondant. So yummy but we couldn't finish them both.

We flew home yesterday and I couldn't wait to hug both my boys

No more trips for a little while again. Glad I can relax and enjoy the upcoming Easter holidays.

The One Where I felt the Pressure

Yesterday was one day I felt the pressure of being a full time working mumma.

We're heading into the busy season at my work, so ive been under the pump for a few weeks now.

Yesterday was no exception.

Its also the one day Ace is in child care and this one day he wasnt well at all.

When i dropped him off, he was fine. I was told he ate his breakfast and had a play but then it all went downhill and he became grizzly and really lethargic.

So I got the dreaded call from child care that I needed to collect him.

My instant reaction was 'No, not today. I wonder if he's really that bad?'

Then i got an attack of the mummy guilts.

I rushed off as soon as i could. (Im lucky my boss is so flexible when it comes to kids) and when I reached child care, my heart sank. He was lying in a carers arms just sooo upset. It makes me sad just thinking about it.

You know when you were sick at school, lying in the sick bay and then your mum (or dad) would come and you would just start crying from happiness/relief that a familiar, comforting face was there?

Well thats what Ace did. So i gathered him in my arms and took him home.

Still not sure what was wrong with him. Maybe just one of those days. We snuggled on the couch and I was just so grateful I was his mummy and I was able to be there for him. But i couldnt help but think of all the work waiting for me when i returned today.

At the end of the day, I need to be there for my son. A son who doesnt know that his Mummy has another job. He just thinks im his world and I need to be there for him.


Does anyone else feel this way? Conflicted between work and...well.. I guess....work?